if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Monday, July 26, 2004 [[*BE grateful! Or you'll be sorry...]]


Homework's piling up. Council work is bogging down. I'm staying back till 7 plus on average for council meetings. Expectations and stress from teachers are ever-present. Promos counting down in T minus 44 days. And despite all this: I find I'm freer in soul and heart than I've been in a long time since I set foot in CJC. Don't ask me why, I just feel that for once, I'm not worrying myself to death over anything. I mean, don't sweat the small stuff! And comparing yourself to other peoples' situations, seriously, your own problems pale so much in comparision. And you don't even have to go to extremes to find such examples. Just take a look around your friends. Who among them has the worst oppressive parents? Who among them has to worry constantly about grades because they're scholars? Who among them has no father because of an untimely passing? (Bless his soul) Who among them has not enough money to eat everyday while we actually have enough to eat and save up spare cash? Who among them doesn't even have a handphone while we go around complaining about handphone bills or the school rules regarding handphones?

We really ought to press 'pause' and take stock of who we are and what we have in life sometimes. And be grateful that for one, most of us have a roof over ourheads, two caring parents who I'm sure care for you in their own way, and money to buy clothes and food everyday.

::echoes::

On that note, poor Tracy lost her handphone and her wallet with the EX-Link card inside. This is the second time she lost the card and she'll have to pay a hefty fine just to remake it. And she has to go home to tell her aunt she lost her stuff and suffer her wrath. On top of facing the inconvinience of no phone book or handphone. Or losing her money and EX-Link card with her wallet. She broke down in the council room after school today after discovering the loss. I feel for her because I used to lose so much stuff when I was younger and I dreaded having to report it to my mom. Amazing, really, what a lil perspective does for you ain't it? I'm not sure how long this fine feeling will last, but I hope it lasts for sometime to come!


`donovan. |8:53 PM|

Friday, July 23, 2004 [[*broken]]


*broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause Im broken when Im open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when Im lonesome
And I dont feel light when youre gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

Theres so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause Im broken when Im open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when Im lonesome
And I dont feel right when youre gone away

Cause Im broken when Im open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when Im lonesome
And I dont feel light when youre gone away

::echoes::

Here I go again, thinking about you when I promised myself not to today. God, why does memory torture me so? Why won't emotions or memories fade away with Time?

::echoes::

I'm being swarmed with council pressure. I'm being swarmed with schoolwork. Hope I can balance cause I feel myself starting to slip already. I wanna fence very badly but my parents don't approve. I'm having trouble in council, not being able to work with some people well and well, I've never felt that my position was more redundant than I've ever felt so before. Talk about uselesness. Why don't you just assimilate my post then huh? Here. I offer it to you.


`donovan. |9:58 PM|

Monday, July 12, 2004 [[*let it burn]]


Let it burn - Usher.

Help me. I feel I'm drowning. From work in council and school. From my feelings of pressure and depression. Everything's going wrong, from things that started so nicely. No good news on any front.

Why can't you see that it hurts. Are you insensitive and don't give a **** ? Or are you plain ignoring and going on as if nothing's wrong? I suffer in silence, alone.

Why? I hate torturing myself, but this is just the case. I need help. Now.


`donovan. |11:17 PM|

Wednesday, July 07, 2004 [[*hope dangles on a string...]]


I got one of my wishes fulfilled today: I'm the new VP for Student Activities in SC. I'm gonna show you people (and most importantly, myself) that I can and will be able to do this job, and do it well without compromising other areas of my life.

::echoes::

i guess i'm still hoping, but like embers dying down, I'll let them die down. Maybe they'll flame up again in the future, maybe not... who knows? i'll just go on hoping...


`donovan. |10:12 PM|

Tuesday, July 06, 2004 [[*no hope for the wicked]]


dare I hope? for impossible targets? for council EXCO?

::echoes::

no hope, there is, for the wicked....


`donovan. |9:16 PM|

Sunday, July 04, 2004 [[*are you streetwise? are you running? are you running in the streetwise run?]]


We had the CIP for the streetwise run today. While preparing for the events, Pete, Marshall, Ben and I decided to engage in water-games. Pete bombed the opposition with more than just water bombs but nuked em with a pail of water. Eat that, dicky! During the run, 'ugly' Singaporeans (god, one of the reasons i hate this place) came up to me to grouch about the road beign closed for the run, shouting and asking who was the organiser and all that bullshit. I mean, c'mon man, if the road is closed for a run, just divert your damn bikes to a nearby footpath as I said! No use killing the messenger, I'm just doing my job. Stupid Singaporeans. On a nicer note, Siong Chew, Khai, Ben and I were busy encouraging the runners coming in to run for the last bit. It was about 150 m to 200 m, but Khai insisted on telling them 100 m... He even added in a 'maybe 200' which got several laughs and smiles from the runners. I was disappointed the rest of the council didn't think of cheering on the arriving runners. Sometimes the grim determination or friendly acknowledgement of our efforts really made us feel good about it.


`donovan. |11:14 PM|

Saturday, July 03, 2004 [[*hoping against hope]]


We were called back on Friday to school to plan a council item to present during the investiture. We settled on a dance-cum-conversation item. After that, we went through the practice for the stepping down ceremony for the J2s. TJS took so long to announce the new elected EXCO members! I was biting my nails, but finally my name was announced! I made it into the CJC SC EXCO for 2004-2005! Haha.

::echoes::

We adjourned for dinner at 'glutton square' in Orchard, the newly opened heritage food center. The crowd was horrible. We saw 'Lobang King' Chew Chong Meng and the food karmasutra fella, Sito. TV crews were around as well, and being a big group having fun and eating together, CJ SC consisting of 29th and 30th council members got interviewed! They didn't use the footage though, but they showed a film of us 'yum-senging' on channel 8 news at 10 pm. Talk about media coverage for CJ.

::echoes::

Today, on Saturday, we had our elections for EXCO positions among the EXCO members. We also set the definitive roles of what each EXCO position would do as well as the motto and the oath we would be taking during our accension. We then voted for who would be best for the positions of President and the 3 Vice Presidents. Hope I'll get my Vice Pres for Student Activities.....

::echoes::

still hoping against hope in more areas of my life than one


`donovan. |6:55 PM|

Friday, July 02, 2004 [[*vindicated]]


Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine ahead has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
It's so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am

{chorus}
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so
Isolated so
Motivated I am
Certain now that I am

{chorus}

So tired of the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

My hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption



`donovan. |11:39 PM|