if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Saturday, October 30, 2004 [[*irony]]


<sub>[ ironic - alanis morisette ]

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out</sub>




`donovan. |9:39 PM|

Friday, October 29, 2004 [[*band of brothers]]


today at the auditorium, as they showed a montage of the class flags, my class was one of the few with no response at all from seeing our flag. _{no cheers. no claps. no shouts. nothing. zilch.} I don't know. you know, maybe that's why i like to hang around other classes. they have unity. they have spirit. they just are. So when i join them, join classes like t19, i feel i can escape from reality, if only for just abit. i have friends around, and during outings, i feel, if for a moment, part of something larger, not just a class where i can click with few, and where the attitude, maturity and spirit is severely lacking sometimes. but with all escapes, it doesn't last forever. today, while watching the montage, it jolted my senses back to cruel reality. i'll never experience the spirit other classes have. _{who am i kidding?}

::echoes::

great shooting today guys, haha. didn't expect the majority of t19 people to join louis and i to relax at paradiz. i think the girls in t19 have a future in gaming. haha. =P

::echoes::

_{i. still. don't. know. what. and. how. to. go. about. dealing. with. her. sometimes. the. flame. burns. bright. other. times. it. threatens. to. go. out. aww, shit.}


`donovan. |7:49 PM|

Monday, October 25, 2004 [[*everyone]]


[everyone - adema]
<sub>I'm sick of the excuses that you want me to believe
I've been understanding, givin' everything you need
Using me is over now and soon you're gonna see
I'm done with you, I'm done with you

Would there be a difference if I followed what you say?
Taken from my mind and I can't seem to get away
Using me is over now and soon you're gonna see
I'm done with you, I'm done with you

Everyone is the same
Quick to point the blame
All I know is that life is a struggle
Why, I can't seem to escape all the games that you play
All I know is that life is a struggle

Sorry, I'm angry, I've fallen from everything
Why am I so angry inside my head
Life's all the same, It's gonna change,
I'm not ashamed to live my life

Everyone is the same
Quick to point the blame
All I know is that life is a struggle
Why, I can't seem to escape all the games that you play
All I know is that life is a struggle
[Repeat]

Why am I so angry inside my head
Life's all the same, It's gonna change, I'm not ashamed</sub>

::echoes::

screwed. all screwed. probably gonna get banned from fencing by parents cause my grades didn't make the mark. council work is stepping up. pw is turning up the heat. chinese AO is looming up ahead. and i don't know where i stand. with. my. own. feelings. regarding.
_her.



`donovan. |10:54 PM|

Friday, October 22, 2004 [[*liar]]


so i lie to myself. turn. repeat.

_{i lie to myself about my motives.
i claim this, yet demonstrate another.
if only i could be straight with me, if.
my stormy hurricane, perfect weather.}


`donovan. |8:32 PM|

Wednesday, October 20, 2004 [[*picking up the pieces]]


<sub>i'm picking up the pieces,
the pieces of broken glass.
each piece glitters a thousand
memories and reflections i see.

i contemplate each deadly slice
to Lady Doom i beckon, i entice:
lord help me i want more,
more than this lousy score.</sub>

::echoes::

i got back my GP and chinese papers today and i knew my results overall for the year 2004 and with that and my mid year results i worked backwards to find my promos results.

my detailed breakdown of GP is as follows: 33 for the compo on 'love'. 25.5 for the compre, a total screw up. i managed a 1.5 upon 7 for summary and a 2 upon 8 for AQ, the lowest ever i got for compre in JC. aww crap.

so beginning with a recap of my mid year grades:
Math: F Econs: D
Literature: D GP: B4 59
Chinese: C6 45

now, working backwards from my overall grades of 2004 of:
Math: B Econs: D
Literature: D GP: B4 59
Chinese: C6 49

i now have a grand record of my promos results:
Math: A 76 Econs: D 53
Literature: D 51 GP: B4 59
Chinese: C6 48

While i guess this exceeds my last predicted score of C E D i guess i'm still not happy with it, knowing i could have done better if i did not let certain things affecting me at that time, well, affect me the way they did. damn. so i guess for my promos i scored A D D. and of course, got promoted.

::echoes::

time for the next phase of the plan to think about: next year.


`donovan. |8:13 PM|

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 [[*the last supper]]


today i had kayaking as a post-promotional activity. i can't say that it was tiring the way the other students described it since i was a student helper which really meant student slacker. I just hung around the Big Splash area and played cards, reading books, playing my Game Boy, splashed around on the slides, ate and slept: basically the life of the beach bum. haha. hey, don't look at me: it's tiring. I yawned as the other students were dragging their canoes back to Paddle Culture at 4 plus in the afternoon.

::echoes::

i seem to have made my choice.

::echoes::

regarding tomorrow's D-day: i thought that my dinner with some of the t19 people tonight was like the last supper. meaning: it's the last one before we die tomorrow. the future is looking grim for me. i have a track record of only a D D F for my mid years and it doesn't look as if i'm gonna improve much. economically speaking, i believe i'll only achieve a C for math, (which i suppose is an improvement from an F in the mid years...) a E for literature since i didn't really prepare for it much (which will suck since i have a flair for it) and a D for economics. C E D. not really a promising score for a vice pres of council. my parents and 'william h.' will have my hide. well, what's done is done i suppose, and there's no choice tomorrow but to face the firing squad.

_{Squad ready!}
Squad take aim!
FIRE!


`donovan. |8:35 PM|

Monday, October 18, 2004 [[dead-beat]]


hmmm.. the hiking today was fun if not for the fact that we didn't get to complete the whole course. i would like to go back there myself with a group of other enthusiastic friends and complete the whole course. the company today wasn't very keen on completing it. frankly, it was the trashing we took at netball which pissed me off and made me even more tired than the hike. We lost all games though james managed a point in the last game. we lost anyway. oh and i had an opportunity at a shot, but i screwed it up in the second game causei kept thinking "3-pointer shot, 3-pointer shot" and using basketball skills, i forgot there was no board behind the net. smart. i realised how smart i was when i saw the ball sail over the net.

ah well, there's always badminton and soccer.


`donovan. |7:11 PM|

Saturday, October 16, 2004 [[*they return]]


_{they return. they return to haunt me. questions i thought i had left behind long ago. i regret going out today. i regret seeing you at the bus stop. damn. enough of me remains outside of this to see how stupid, how juvenile, how ridiculous this is, yet the rest is so damned caught up with you still. i thought i moved on. i thought wrong. it'll never happen and i know it. a friend called it a tremendous amount of hope. i call it fool's hope.}

::echoes::

i'm still sun burnt from thursday's outing with t19 at sentosa. ouch!

::echoes::

_{god help me, i don't know how much longer i can take this solitude. but i'll try to weather it. i have to.}


`donovan. |10:11 PM|

Monday, October 11, 2004 [[*i dare you to move]]


<sub>Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here</sub>




`donovan. |8:12 PM|

Saturday, October 09, 2004 [[*vindication]]


as quoted elsewhere:

Ode To Nice Guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.This is in honour of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honour of the guys with open minds,with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honour of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favour cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warmbody for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathise and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do(I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realise they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys.You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker fora pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.




`donovan. |1:59 AM|

Friday, October 08, 2004 [[*not too young, not too old]]


math was a breeze! i think, haha. =0) thank god for the work i put in the night before and the morning before the exam: up till 4.30 working and waking up at 6.30 to go study in town till 11.30.

::echoes::

i think i can actually have a shot at passing my promos, and maybe clinch a B or two at it. maybe. just maybe.

::echoes::

_{i still get affected everytime you pass by. but i'm getting better. i swear it. i hope it. i wish it.}


`donovan. |8:17 PM|

Monday, October 04, 2004 [[*come clean]]


i had economics paper 3 today: i thought it was pretty ok. I probably will get a C if everything goes fine for the MCQ and DRQ section, though if i pray hard enough a B? Haha, I'm entitled to dream anyway. What worries me is the fact that alot of people i know came out looking ready to a) slash their wrists or b) jump from the highest HDB flat they can find. If people find it that bad, how can i find it good unless i really screwed everything up with the wrong answer and thought that i wrote the right ones? ah, screw it.

i've been slacking alot for these days. completed a game twice. talked alot with friends. it seems that i felt more pressure during the days leading up to the promos, preparing for it. but now that it's finally here, it's an anticlimax.

::echoes::

amazing how one music video can change a person. the pearl harbour one featuring faith hill - there you'll be is cool.


`donovan. |11:40 PM|

Friday, October 01, 2004 [[*true men of sentiment]]


a hell lot of mixed feelings are running through me now: relieve, stress, contemplation, desire, abhorrence for my own weakness in dealing with my emotions. i probably wont get distracted this close to the promos, but it does create a sense of unease in me.

remember bro: if you really want to go for it, i'll never get in your way.

"To be yearning for the difficult, to be weary of what offered; to care for the remote, to dislike the near: it was Wildeve's nature always. This is the true mark of the man of sentiment." - Return of the Native

::echoes::

Cruel to the eye, I see the way he makes you smile.
Cant breathe easy / Cant sleep at night - Blue


`donovan. |1:11 AM|