if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 [[*the pure land of the buddha]]


good-byyyyyeeeee singapore! hel-lloooooooo india!

the land of the blacks!

haha just kiddin. see ya all soon on the 2nd of Dec!


`donovan. |1:49 PM|

Monday, November 22, 2004 [[]]


betrayal? perhaps. let's not get hasty and point fingers before we know the whole story.

but damnit, the very possibility of thinking that this could have come from my back quarters... my own friend. it's both scary and blood boiling.

but then again, i'm probably over-reacting to some conincidental event. maybe.

the green-eyed monster.
_{i promised myself to support you whatever you did. it's getting hard to support that promise now, especially if the above stated is true.}


`donovan. |1:38 PM|

Sunday, November 21, 2004 [[*the stars glow tonight]]


in anticipation of the time when i'm in india and when the air's hot with humidity and it's lonely again and the stars glow above in the nightsky as i lie down on open plains... *thanks so much rachel for helping me find opportunities to contemplate [sarcastically]*

::echoes::

<sub>dream theatre - endless sacrifice

Cold
Lying in my bed
Staring into darkness

Lost
I hear footsteps overhead
And my thoughts return
Again

Like a child who's run away
And won't be coming back
Time keeps passing by
As night turns into day

I'm so far away
And so alone
I need to see your face
To keep me sane
To make me whole

Try to stay alive
Until I hear your voice
I'm gonna lose my mind
Someone tell me why
I chose this life
This superficial lie
Constant compromise
Endless sacrifice

Pain
It saddens me to know
The helplessness you feel
Your light
Shines on my soul
While a thousand candles
Burn

Outside this barren room
The rain is pouring down
The emptiness inside
Is growing deper still

You're so far away
And so alone
You long for love's embrace
To keep you sane
To make you whole

Try to stay alive
Until I hear your voice
I'm gonna lose my mind
Someone tell me why
I chose this life
This superficial lie
Constand compromise
Endless sacrifice

Moments wasted
Isolated
Time escaping
Endless sacrifice

Moments wasted
Isolated
Time escaping
Endless sacrifice

Over the distance
We try to make sense
Of surviving together
While living apart

Striving for balance
We rise to the challenge
Of staying connected
In spite of circumstance

All you've forsaken
And all that you've done
So that I could live out
This undying dream

Won't be forgotten
Or taken for granted
I'll always remember
Your endless sacrifice

Moments wasted
Isolated
Time escaping
Endless sacrifice

Moments wasted
Isolated
Time escaping
Endless sacrifice</sub>

`donovan. |2:42 PM|

Saturday, November 20, 2004 [[*reflections]]

council retreat was... interesting to say the least. after all, i learnt a great deal of things about myself, my strengths and weaknesses as perceived by others. i managed to salvage or improve failing working relationships with some people, and built upon existing ones to strengthen them. i had insights into friends' ways of thinking as well... and i believe everyone came out better from the retreat. too bad for those who couldn't make it: you missed a chance to grow. i'm too tired to blog down the details of the retreat, so that should already give you some idea of what we did. i've gotta attend a wake later today, and gotta prepare for OCIP on tuesday. to india and beyond! and so *music* i'm leeeeaving on a jet plane..

_{am i making the right choice? i don't know. i don't wanna screw this up. like i did others.}

`donovan. |2:17 PM|

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 [[*alone]]

all my friends have either gone overseas, or they have supp papers to study for.

<sup>i feel all alone here, with scant few to talk to and sms as i prepare for council retreat and OCIP.

help.

i miss you. i miss myself.</sup>

`donovan. |10:44 PM|

Sunday, November 14, 2004 [[]]

<sub>amazing to see how many on friendster wish for love in their xmas wish list on the bulletin board. yet, when given a chance to accept love, they never do. they're picky. they're restrained. they're selfish. they're cruel. they deserve this.



i'm your friend. i think.


is it selfish to want more?


even though it may not be my place?

is it wrong?





maybe.


i'm trying to justify that this is alright. that i should not ask for more.

i'm having a hard time.</sub>

`donovan. |10:41 AM|

Friday, November 12, 2004 [[*void]]

i don't need you. do i? i hardly know you. i hardly know this. i hardly know myself.

fool again?

maybe.

just maybe.

`donovan. |8:23 PM|

Monday, November 08, 2004 [[*unpaid overtime]]

there's something about HAVING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOR WORK WHEN EVERYONE IS OFF HAVING FUN WITH OTHER FRIENDS. there. it's outta my system. today my day was utter crap. i woke up at 8, and struggled to pull myself out of bed for the 1 hour journey to school so that i won't be late for the 9.30 appointment with Bro Paul, Mrs Lau and tiff for the interviews with the new canteen vendors. the interview stretched from 9.30 to 12.30: 3 hours in total, an hour each for each prospective vendor. After that, it was off immediately to interview prospective 05:1 orientation facils. 6 hours straight, from 12.30 to 6 plus in the evening, with no lunch. after that, i met up with louis to eat at mac's, common people's fare...sigh, and went home to type this sad account of my day.

we love council! seriously, we do. we just hate the long hours. and the paperwork. and the dreary environment. but we love council!

::echoes::

following a friend's example, i thought i might list down some songs i was listening to currently, songs that helped me through a transitionary period.

extraordinary - liz phair
disagree - crumbs
breakaway - kelly clarkson
guilty - the rasmus
ordinary - train
open your eyes - alterbridge
our love is loud - worship
allstar - smashmouth

`donovan. |9:46 PM|

Saturday, November 06, 2004 [[*what makes me]]

How to make a donovan

Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 5 parts crazyiness 5 parts leadership

Method: Layer ingredients in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lustfulness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

`donovan. |6:54 PM|

[[]]

today started off with Chinese AO level. the compo was ok, though i tried a new format, the story telling one with a title alone: something about my best friend betraying me or something. i wrote primary school child-lish. the comprehension was horrible. absolutely. crap. i had fun with multiple choice though, trying my luck haha. after chinese was the OCIP brieifing. the schedule outlined promises to take away all my november holidays, together with the OCIP itself, and the council retreat, and preparing for Orientation. after the briefing was a seminar dialogue session with Dr Tony Tan about terrorism. i spent like 1 to 2 hours just waiting for it to start la, what a waste of time. then the talk itself waskinda boring, the only interesting part was the Q & A session where Tony Tan jacked all the HCJC and RJC people who came up with stupid questions. after that, rushed down to meet t19 for 5 min LAN session, dinner, movie and pool. now THAT was rather fun.. though not exactly the best fun i've had in days.

`donovan. |1:46 AM|

Thursday, November 04, 2004 [[*mirror mirror on the wall]]

i seem to have alot of issues with myself. everyday i wake up and wear that persona to school, i hide all i dont wish others to see. but every now and then, alot of the things i hide manage to creep up behind me. this is one such time. i have severe confidence problems. to say the least. ah. screw it. nothing new that i haven't already tried to wrestle with this whole year anyway. just dull it and move on. i hope that if i pretend hard enough, my problems and little insecurities will like, you know, go away?

_{i wake up in the morning. look into the mirror. and talk to the mirror on the wall. who the ugly fuck are you? and i go shower, throw on clothes, and the day begins. typical.}

`donovan. |1:34 AM|

Monday, November 01, 2004 [[*music]]

this is fast becoming a lyrics blog, lol.

<sub>::echoes::

[open your eyes - alterbridge]

Looking back I clearly see
What it is that's killing me
Through the eyes of one I know
I see a vision once let go
I had it all

Constantly it burdens me
Hard to trust and can't believe
Lost the faith and lost the love
When the day is done

Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one
On and on we stand alone
Until our day has come
When they open their eyes
And realize we are one

I love the way I feel today
But how I know the sun will fade
Darker days seem to be
What will always live in me
But still I run

It's hard to walk this path alone
Hard to know which way to go
Will I ever save this day
Will it ever change

Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one

Still today we carry on
I know our day will come
When they open their eyes
And realize we are one

Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one
(its hard to walk this path alone
hard to know which way to go)
Will they open their eyes
and realize we are one
(lost the faith and lost the love when the day is done)

Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one

::echoes::</sub>

i can't wait to get my guitar! i'm gonna go around collecting my debts, (which should net me a hundred at least), then go hit the stores. i want a good electric guitar. =P.

_{things regarding her seem to be going fine, though i remind myself not to expect anything. the more you expect and hitch on it and get desperate, the more you're placing yourself further from the desired outcome. the key to get what you want sometimes is to don't give a damn whether you get it or not. i think.}

`donovan. |7:57 PM|