if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Monday, January 31, 2005 [[]]


shit. the suspense is killing me as each day crawls slowly by. i sooo wanna say it aloud, but can't.


AAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!


`donovan. |8:27 PM|

Sunday, January 30, 2005 [[]]


i just finished the paperwork for council and sending the needed emails to the necessary people. *yawn* i'm sleepy and tired.

and mostly, i'm tired of this. of living in the shadow. i've decided. it'll all be over soon, i promise.


`donovan. |1:38 AM|

[[]]






`donovan. |1:24 AM|

Thursday, January 27, 2005 [[]]


hey, came across some funny jokes. haha, thought i'll put em down here to bring a lil cheer around.

~~~

"The pharmacist just insulted me," the woman sobbed to her husband. Upset, he jumped into his car and sped to the shop to defend his wife.
"Listen to my side!" the pharmacist pleaded. "First, my alarm didn't go off and I overslept. Rushing out, I locked both my house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get them. Then I got a flat tyre. When i finally got behind the counter, there was a long line and the phone was ringing. After bending to pick up a roll of coins, I cracked my head on a drawer and fell backwards, shattering the perfume case. Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing. I picked it up, and your wife asked me how to use a rectal thermometer. I swear, all i did was tell her."

~~~

A war correspondent visiting Afghanistan for a second time noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No," the man replied. "Land mines."

~~~

A man sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The man leaves but does not come back.
A few days later he returns and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber says again, "About two hours." and the man walks out.
The barber says to a friend in the shop, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."
Bill returns laughing hysterically and says, "He goes to your house."

~~~

Sitting in an empty bar, an armless man orders a beer. When the barman gives him his drink, the man asks him to take the money from his pocket as he can't get it himself. The barman obliges. The armless man then asks him if he would tip the beer to his lips. The bartender does so, then comments to the man how difficult it must be having to ask people to do everything for him.
"Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times," says the man. "By the way, where is your toilet?"
The barman quickly replies, "The closest one is in the petrol station, down the road."

~~~

Haha... =)


`donovan. |6:23 PM|

Wednesday, January 26, 2005 [[]]


*groan* backache. high fever. splitting headache. can't sleep. can't do stuff. i'm in a state of limbo, and man, does it suck. *sniff*

i'm sick.


`donovan. |8:27 PM|

Monday, January 24, 2005 [[]]


i feel i'm fast approaching that fork in the road, again. that magical crossroads, where you decide, which way you wanna go. do you speak out? or do you keep it in. am i simply using another to get over one? or what? i really dunno. should i? shouldnt i?

do i dare to even attempt it again? or should i be chicken-shit and suffer in silence. it's times like this, where irony sets in. the whole damn situation is ironic. its so ironic, i can't even begin to start to untangle it and explain to anyone the whole thing. irony, haha. as a lit student, i guess i can fully appreciate the irony.

ahhh... i'm so tempted. but.

what.

if i.

screw it up.



again.

"to be or not to be...that is the question." - Hamlet

tai's blog's heading is really truly, erm.. for want of a better word: true. haha. 'long gone are the days where we had no troubles and worries... will i ever find you again?' ok, maybe the last part isn't quite applicable. but in a way, it is. argh, i'm not making sense. what i mean is, those carefree days of when our biggest troubles were styaing back to finish homework for that cranky maths teacher, or sleeping in social studies class for 2 years (haha) or getting called in by CF for a verbal trashing, haha, i rather have those than the so many multitude of responsibilities, heavier work load and troubles and decisions to make now. i look at the background of the photo in tai's blog and see the sec 3/ sec 4 block of classrooms with the familiar track and those days of fellowship and carefree-ness, and...

i wonder... where did they go? did we grow up so fast? can we no longer go back to those days? will be spend the remainder of our days till our dying day, dreaming of those childhood/teenage days which slip through our fingers like smoke. fleeting, ever present, tantalising but not substantial, only, ethereal. i wish i could go back in time back to SJI. i certainly would have lived a different life then, gripe less, get invovled more, enjoyed every day like it was the last.

cruel reality just hits anyway, and i'm jerked back to the present. should i reveal myself? or should i walk away from this. gah.


`donovan. |8:35 PM|

Sunday, January 23, 2005 [[]]





`donovan. |7:46 PM|

Friday, January 21, 2005 [[]]


was really angry last night over it. but after reflecting, it's kinda stupid to be angry over something so trivial. though i'm still mad at the way you handled it, i decided it's not worth my time.

nevermind.

[disappointment] : i'll get used to it.



is it wrong to want more? i know we're... heck, nevermind. feelings, such a troublesome thing. today marks a change. a rather, troubling one, if i may say so. dunno what it means for the future.


`donovan. |1:57 PM|

Thursday, January 20, 2005 [[]]


do you know you're bloody inconsiderate and an asshole? next time you've something to say, say it to my face. at least i'll be man enough to listen.


`donovan. |10:11 PM|

[[]]






`donovan. |7:37 PM|

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 [[]]


haha. i may be allowed to taste S paper lit. see first. it sounds, interesting, being able to specialise in anything under the literary sun.




_{will they burn for me?}


`donovan. |10:26 PM|

Sunday, January 16, 2005 [[]]


_{on Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night
for someone
she lets herself go
like an angel in the snow
she lays down on her back
down on her back - she goes
take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me
on Vineland past the candle shrine that melts into the street design
she waits - for someone
tonight she'll give herself away
she'll break apart all by herself
its so easy how we come undone
take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me
she pulls me in - strips me down
she pulls me in - turns me out
she pulls me in - strips me down
take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when I'm gone
will they burn for me
will they burn for me}

//candleburn.dishwalla



`donovan. |10:52 AM|

Saturday, January 15, 2005 [[]]


yay, the wounds are healing alright, and the dead skin on top of them are flaking off and revealing nice, healthy healed pink skin below! hurray for the wonders of bio.

then again, i'm blogging as i prepare to go for the men's open singles for fencing at clementi today. and i haven't trained for months. meaning, i know no moves beyond basic ones, and have all my muscles rigid and unflexible because of lack of training. not to mention i didn't manage to train my reflexes to be lightning fast. the only thing that stands between me and a quick 15-0 trashing on the pist is the fact that i'm left handed and that lefties have natural advantages in fencing. i have lesser body surface area for them to hit me with, and all the right handers have traditionally trained to counter mostly only right handed moves since most people are right handed. and that my left handed moves can counter quite a few right handed moves easily.

but my lack of reflexes, slow speed and rookie-ness will ensure a quick death. i just hope i wont get badly trashed. haha, in any case, this competition will be good exposure for me.

wish me luck!

and on a side note, poor shufang. haiz. her and her sad story. =/ if you wanna know more so you can sympathize with her, come ask me, though i'm sure alot of people know it by now.. haha!


`donovan. |11:16 AM|

Thursday, January 13, 2005 [[]]


life's a rollercoaster indeed.

was down, for a long time i think. or was it a short time? i don't know. when school started, everything changed. work load. orientation. personal stuff. and recently, had all the leg wounds pretty bad off. and now, today, it just hit me. everything's going fine for me finally! it's like, although i'm still behind time and don't understand alot of stuff, i think i'm getting into the mood to study and can see myself catching up on syllabus. my wounds have closed up and are drying up and improving according to the doctor today. orientation's over and though there's a whole host of new activities to plan and execute lined up for the J1 recruits for council, i know i have a strong team to help all of us through this. and personal stuff is going just fine for now. =) no ups, no downs, just the way i like it. and i finally got my ipod mini already! and my parents let me go for fencing competition on saturday, something i assumed they would be strongly against.

after all that ranting, i guess my point is, i feel better now than i did recently. and with a new class that rawks with the funniest guys from ex-t22 in it, i can see good things for the future, i think. i don't wanna get my hopes up high as always, but yeah, i appreciate the high point while i'm experiencing it. i rawk. alright! haha. =D

visitors reading this blog, just tag so i know you've been here and saw this! gee, i really am high now. haha.


`donovan. |9:18 PM|

Tuesday, January 11, 2005 [[]]


relationship tip for the day!

because goodness knows how many clowns out there need it. at least, errm, 5 of my friends need this now.

Dear Aunt Agony,
I feel horrible. I can't get over the person i'm infatuated with. I steal a glance every 5 mins in her direction during lectures and can't seem to go one day without contacting her in some way or another, be it msn or sms or talking in person. help.

XX distressed XX

child, its too late for you now. for the cure, all i can say is time heals all wounds. for the prevention, i say: don't. oops, wrong word.. it's too mild. never invest your all hope and heart into an infatuation/crush/like/relationship because you never know when it's not gonna work out and you become a snivelling, desperate wreck always stealing glances at your object of idoltry and always contacting him/her because they're like the drug you need. because it's easier to harden yourself and say oops, guess not. guess it didn't work out. and move on, easier. of course it's easier said than done, but this cushions your fall from the lofty heights of cloud 9. learnt this through hard lessons all past year around, and still see it applicable everywhere.

and so, until the next issue, see you all! i really emphatize with your situation, cause i've been there. done that. =) ease up and watch the tube, pop some corn and crank up the tunes, and you'll do fine.


`donovan. |9:06 PM|

[[]]


damnit. i'm stuck at home cause i need to take care of these, yuck, wounds. and, not to mention that the doctor himself had to readup on the possible parasite cause he only heard of it in med school? like, oh yeah, so encouraging. no one bothers to sms. hmph i'm infinitely bored, bogged down with homework and revision. and i still havent collected my prize ipod mini. hmph.


SMS ME!!!


`donovan. |3:18 PM|

Monday, January 10, 2005 [[]]


shit. maths s paper was damn hard. i'll be lucky to get like 4 or 5 marks out of 50.

now i'm also damn scared of the wounds problem. it may just be bacterial infection. or it maybe worse. it may be some parasite worm eating flesh and skin. how cool is that? i mean, like, its damn rare. and... arrgh. just scaring myself.


hope not.


shake a leg.


while i still have one.



SCARED.

drop me an sms if you care. suddenly feel freakin scared now.


`donovan. |11:00 PM|

Sunday, January 09, 2005 [[]]


Broken Wings - Alterbridge

Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
In our souls

Leave the peace alone
Now we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
In our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold
Are always first to go
And who's to say
We won't end up alone

On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long

Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love

Mend the broken homes
Care for them they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give
Will always carry you
And who's to say
We won't survive it too

Set a-free all
Relying on their will
To make me all that I am
And all that I'll be

Set a-free all
Will fall between the cracks
With memories of all that I am
And I'll that I'll be


`donovan. |8:56 PM|

[[]]


new colour for blog design. new sidebar picture. new songs. heck, new ipod mini. new year. new batch of j1s. new pile of homework not done. new friends. new internet connection. new bursary award worth 300 bucks. (yay!) new teachers. new classmates. new classroom. new guitar.





_{same old problems.}


doesn't feel right. should be all excited and grateful. that i've survived another year. but. i don't know. it just. lacks something.


i never seem to excel at something really good. only, average to above average in anything i so choose to try out. guess i'm what they call. jack of all trades, master of none. lights dim and fade, i hide and run.

again.



`donovan. |4:10 PM|

Thursday, January 06, 2005 [[]]


i'm so damn confused now. what to do? guess just have to pretend this doesn't exist. so i won't have to make any decisions anymore. i won't let this, won't let you, get me down. i'll try.

"Only the strongest will survive..." - breakin.benjamin.blow.me.away


`donovan. |4:53 PM|

Wednesday, January 05, 2005 [[]]



5 guys and a girl


Breaking Benjamin - Blow Me Away

They fall in line
One at a time
Ready to play
(I can't see them anyway)
No time to lose
We've got to move
Steady the hand
(I am losing sight again)

Fire your guns
It's time to roll
Blow me away
(I will stay, unless I may)
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, will we die
I am the shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all

There's nothing left
So save your breath
Lying awake
(Caught inside this tidal wave)
Your cover's blown
No where to go
Only your fate
(Only I will walk away)

Fire your guns
It's time to roll
Blow me away
(I will stay, unless I may)
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, will we die
I am the shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all

Wanted it back
(Don't fight me now)






`donovan. |9:35 PM|

Tuesday, January 04, 2005 [[]]


because at times like these, only words of the past hold wisdom. and i cling to them. for truth. for affirmation. for consolation. for justification. i cling. blindly and desperately.

i cling anyway.


`donovan. |10:22 PM|

[[]]


go. and breakaway. set yourself free. i.. damnit, i'm at a loss for words. i give up. in more ways than one. and damnit my new teachers suck. and orientation's a bitch with so much stress and periods of sian-ness doing security duties. and my homework's not done. and.. arrrgh. nuts.


`donovan. |9:02 PM|

Monday, January 03, 2005 [[]]


here i go again. clar, you opened a can of worms. now i'm going nuts thinking again.

thanks alot.

you don't exist to me. none of this does. this whole situation is bull. can i go around pretending this isn't happening or real?


`donovan. |8:49 PM|

Sunday, January 02, 2005 [[]]


hold up
hold on
don't be scared
you'll never change what's been and gone

may your smile
shine on
don't be scared
your destiny may keep you warm

cos all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

get up
come on
why're you scared?
_{i'm not scared}
you'll never change
what's been and gone

cos all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

cos all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

we're all of us stars
we're fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see us some day
just take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

stop crying your heart out
stop crying your heart out
-// stop.crying.your.heart.out.oasis

because you need this. because i don't really know. but this might help. i think. been there. done that.


`donovan. |7:48 PM|

Saturday, January 01, 2005 [[]]


just a note to visitors: leave me a tag so i know you've been here!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

i've been blogging lots lately. it's just that time, that feeling i guess. where you reflect. where you think. being the thinker and philosopher i am, i guess there really shouldnt be any surprise i'm doing this now. let's think back on 2004.

2004: a year filled with changes. academically wise, it has taken some getting used to, moving from triple science class to one of the arts stream, struggling with lit and econs despite i have a flair for english. cca wise, moving from a slacker post in ncc air to the second highest in student council which is a big shift in responsibility and commitment for me, something i'm still learning to adapt to, even now. on to more interesting issues closer to the heart, literally.

to quote marcus: "this year lots of people struggled to find themselves, seeked the way they were supposed to take, simply because it's a whole new environment, and lots of people in CJ are from single-sex secondary schools, so it just gets more interesting in JC". i agree totally. i learnt, through the hard way, what should be done, what shouldn't be done regarding chasing a girl. i learnt not to trust my heart fully because i've been burnt, no less than 3 times at least this year alone. i learnt patience. i learnt not to rush into things. it's amusing really, looking back. how i grappled in the dark. how i became so much the wiser. the ups, the downs. the times when i felt that this was a load of bull, when i tried to ignore my feelings and struggle through everyday, despite me feeling like shit each day in school. i'm still learning now. i'm still not sure. with you? i don't know. take it slow yeah. but i can't help but feel, as marcus puts it so accurately, impatient. i feel i have a long way to go before i can even try something with you, and the road seems long. but yeah, above all i value our friendship and i won't do anything to endanger it.

you know the feeling you get: something more than just physical attraction. all year around i noticed all my crushes were only of the physical kind. i never really felt good talking to them, or felt alive around them. the kinda thing where seeing her smile makes you smile too. this time, i feel its different. but yeah, i don't wanna jump the gun and jump to conclusions. i don't wanna rush it on one hand, but i'm impatient to know on the other. and i'm jealous too sometimes.



ahhhh... i'm going nuts at 3 am in the morning. happy new year once more anyways! =)


`donovan. |2:51 AM|