if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 [[]]


mmmm! it's been a great time so far, at least, in terms of how much i'm enjoying myself with friends. it's at the expense of work, and i feel kinda guilty now. hah. ah well, maybe this is overdue. letting loose and enjoyingmyself with friends that is. i've been so pent up with problems here and there, getting all so damnserious i hardly smile anymore in school except around my crazier friends, so i guess it was all just building to this. thankfully, i've cool friends i can party with and have fun!

last saturday:

man yun's birthday party! went with louis, clarrisa, xuan rui, shawn, joshua, chipmunk, tini, vignesh, blackie to see of course, the birthday girl herself, many. it was quite fun, with us playing the ps2 the whole day from some chinese conquering fighting game Dynasty Warriors and some racing car games as well. we also listened to iTunes alot. When Collide by Howie Day came on, shawn decided to show off his newly acquired singing skills ya? lol, it's hard to explain here, but it sounded really funny and lame. go ask him if you wanna know.. oh, and there was the painful water-torture-cum-tai de game. we played tai de and the loser of each round had to drink the number of cups of water equilvalent to the number of cards left. i drank 11 + 6 cups of water. and it was really torture, try drinking that amount in one sitting. heck, and i still owe 11 more cups, so that makes it what, some 28 cups? crapman, funny stuff. went to the toilet every 15 mins after that.. oh, and have you ever heard of the bangla version of linkin park's In The End? haha! hilarious stuff. same goes for the Starwars in Hokkien track. Many has the weirdest tracks in her iTunes.. 2t19 friends, you guys rock man. made my day, haha.

monday to tuesday:

operation 'LTC planning'. like oh my god. have you ever spent 19 hours straight 'planning'? haha. no way man, it was a crazy fun time at pido's. 19 hours. woo. i wanna do it again. buuut. cant la, have studies to take care of.. sigh. =(


on the plus side, will be seeing my cousins from malaysia soon! yay, uncle andy says they're eager to see me. I haven't seen any of them since they were born, so this is rather cool... not to mention this will be the first time in a long while i'll be going on holiday out of singapore. haha.


and my ipod's coming back soon, and they're giving me a neeeeww one! eat that cheryl. =) i changed it twice, first time cause it spoilt, second time cause they gave me lousy quality goods with defective screens. bah.


`donovan. |10:43 PM|

Saturday, May 28, 2005 [[]]


The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

-//collide.howie.day


`donovan. |10:13 PM|

Thursday, May 26, 2005 [[]]


the boy's lesson?

<sub>you say we always have to suffer,
we suffer for humanity, suffer to feel.
after what i've gone through sir,
it's led me to question just how does life deal?

you say we stumble around blind,
it's life's learning journey for us to find!
but i'm very sick and tired of this maze
this rat race in this maze's got me dazed.

shut up, just shut up.
there's too much noise.
a knife to the gut,
a coup-de-grace poise.

oh i'm sorry little boy,
was i too violent?
this is no time to be coy,
life's lesson learnt.</sub>


`donovan. |10:41 PM|

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 [[]]


the stoic little boy

<sub>the little unmoving bronze statue,
frozen youth. innocence. virtue!

oh to be stoic and unbreakable,
time stands still for you.
you are strong and invulnerable,
nothing can hurt you!

little boy teach me, teach me to be,
just like you: they hurt me see.
feelings, like little pin pricks,
blade slashes, painful kicks.

cold and unfeeling, yet strong.
help me, help me: this is wrong.
but i so don't want to be hurt,
so i asked little statue Kurt.

to teach me how to ignore Time,
to pay no heed to my humanity,
for in denying vulnerability,
no hurt, no feelings to pine!

He never did acquiesce to my request,
not verbally anyway.
Silence is what he says;
It is strength and stoicism at its best.</sub>


`donovan. |11:33 PM|

[[]]


yes. it's all about you. it always was. always is. probably will always be. about, you.


`donovan. |12:09 AM|

Thursday, May 19, 2005 [[]]


perhaps


<sub>there comes a time in one's life,
with the right breezy evening.
when one takes a long slow drive
to do some real reflecting.

the chaos of life sloughs away
and i see the roads i've taken clear.
yet nearly gone is the Light of day
and i'm left with my Past, here.

despite all that's good and glad,
Regret and Rage are what mostly felt.
for choices made, good or bad,
You were the worst one Life dealt.

it was' die if you do, die if you don't',
now it's Death for me since you said you won't.
it's ironic that Love created this gap
do you think things will ever change? perhaps, perhaps.

the road doesn't stop to wait or breathe.
it's time i moved on and leave.
but old flames seldom die, old wounds seldom heal
perhaps bitter unrequited love, is all that i feel.

some things never truly go away,
some wounds never truly heal.
as i rage and cry, try as i may
the only way's to learn to deal.

never mind the lessons learnt.
things could have been different.
perhaps.
perhaps.</sub>




`donovan. |7:03 PM|

Monday, May 16, 2005 [[]]


help.











<sub>I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

Now its hard for me with my heart still on the mend
Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me and it's harmony
Girl, what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything; just to get you back again
Why can't we just try

What if I was good to you, what if you were good to me
What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside of me
What if it was paradise, what if we were symphonies
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you</sub>

lonely.no.more.rob.thomas


`donovan. |11:31 PM|

Friday, May 13, 2005 [[]]


i'm quite pissed with it all. you know. life in general. being crappy in ccas. having crappy grades. having crappy relationships with people. being a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none. always a know-all, never a master in anything. so you know what? fuck it all. lemme take this and shove it down the sewage pipe, because this is nothing more than what it really is, a shitty existence. i'm sick. and fed up. with how things are. and i'm too tired to change anymore. so from now on, this is how it's gonna be. if you don't like it, well then that's just too bad. you probably dont fit into my plans anyway. some things i'm gonna have to give up, but that's either because i couldnt give a damn anymore, or because now's not the time to pursue it.

1) no more dota.
2) give up on fencing, for now
3) barest minimum for council. enough of it. just gonna finish my duties and step down. gratefully. enough of the stupid idiots in it. and enough of politics. power play. and all that bullshit. wonder why i joined anyway.
4) come to terms with the fact that i can play all sports, just that i suck in them.
5) come to terms that i can play the piano and guitar, only that i'm suckier than others in it.
6) realise that romantic love, as i know it, is dead. and that feelings are to be damned.


i still cannot believe that up till now, i still feel the sting. god, i'm so loathe to think that it might have been, i dunno, love? i dont know. i just dont know. i'm trying. trying to move on. trying to talk to other people. ever heard of the song i try by macy grey? yeah, i keep falling down. again. i'm not that sad or depressed or angry overthis anymore. but, it's like a thorn in my side. irritating me. vexing me. just because it's there. each time i see her, it still somewhat feels like the first time. and yet, it doesnt. it doesnt. because i've realised the horrid beauty of this predicament. that i've gone and reached too far. and now i pay. i pay for daring to dream.



seriously. other than sucking in most things because i know how to do everything and master nothing, other than failing in my studies, skipping lectures and shit, other than always easily falling in love and getting myself hurt for doing so, other than knowing how to play dota and cs and all that useless shit, just what the hell am i good at?

please, people.

if you have any idea what i am good for, tell me. because if not, i'll go around continuing to think that i'm pretty ordinary, useless and a loser in some aspects.


in any case, i've taken this shit feeling and turned it to good use for once. like i said up there, i've listed the things i've come to terms with. and the ultimate i saved for last is that i'm gonna go full steam and study. like mad. and screw everyone else. because at the end of the day, you may put me down now, you may say i suck at this, suck at that, you may say i'm useless, you may reject me, you may slander me, you may be better than me in alot of aspects, but damnit, I will get the last laugh. because if you're not careful, you're gonna screw your As. and like louis rightly pointed out, all other problems now dont matter. all that matters, is your A level cert. and i know what i want on it. do you?



i await my vindication. one of these days. just wait and see.



<sub>hope dangles on a string
like slow spinning redemption
winding in and winding out
the shine of it has caught my eye
and roped me in
so mesmerizing so hypnotizing
i am captivated
i am

vindicated
i am selfish
i am wrong
i am right
i swear i'm right swear i knew it all along
and i am flawed
but i am cleaning up so well
i am seeing in me now
the things you swore you saw yourself</sub>


`donovan. |7:26 PM|

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 [[]]


damn funny today man. ok, i shall give a vulgar but hilarious account of the taxi i took today with gughan and shaun. oh. my. god. we started out talking about how the samurai in the last samurai behead people with swords. and goodness knows from where the cabby uncle chips in with how indonesian people chop heads with parangs and all. and then he leads us to the topic of how indonesians are like damn corrupt citing the example of the funds given to them from the tsunami fund were being pilfered. he throws in crude phrases like 'fuck off' , 'fuck them', 'jia lui' (meaning eat money, literally), 'use money for what? buy lam pah ah..' he was a laugh la. we were trying our best not to laugh. then he goes on to say how singapore government at least knows how to 'eat money' without showing it. get this, he thinks corruption is rife in singapore too! haahahah.

everyone shold meet such a cabby at least once. it's an eye opening experience. not to mention hilarious. too bad our ride was a short one, i would have liked to hear how he describes george bush..


`donovan. |8:51 PM|

Saturday, May 07, 2005 [[]]


Never seek to tell thy love,
Love that never told can be;
For the gentle wind does move
Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,
I told her all my heart;
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears,
Ah! she doth depart.

Soon as she was gone from me,
A traveller came by,
Silently, invisibly:
He took her with a sigh.

-//william.blake.never.seek.to.tell.thy.love




kingdom of heaven was great. i mean, not just the eye candy, or the epic scenes of battle, or the blood. the issues raised about christianity and the muslim faith are very real, relevent ones. i think some people are guilty of fanatical behaviour, hiding behind and justifying things they do in God's name. which i think is wrong. i'll bet that when these people perish, God isn't gonna take lightly all the attrocities committed in His name. no siree. so watch out all you fanatical evangelists.


`donovan. |10:14 PM|

Friday, May 06, 2005 [[]]


In this hole
That is me
The dead are rolling over
In this hole
Thickening
Dirt shoveled over shoulders

I feel it in me
So overwhelmed
All this pressure centerizing
My life overturned
Unfair the despair
All these scars keep ripping open

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

In this hole
That is me
A life that's growing feeble
In this hole
So limiting
The sun has set; all darkens

Buried underneath
Hands slip off the wheel
Internal path-way to contention

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

Are you
HAPPY

Are you
HAPPY

Are you feeling happy?

In this hole
That is me
Left with a heart exhausted
What's my release??
What sets me free?
Do you pull me up just to push me down again?

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?

Peel me from the skin
Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost, left with nothing

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost, left with nothing?


`donovan. |8:16 PM|

Monday, May 02, 2005 [[]]


i'm quite messed up now. just, kinda broken on the inside. and all that shit. and work's piling up. i need help. aaargh.

but it's ok. things will get better. sooner or later. they should. no one ever said life was a constant y = -999. just hope it's a sine curve, and i'm just hitting the peak of the bottom value. i hope my life's on its way up. hurhur. pardon the math language, revision's getting to me.


sooner.


or later.



we'll be fine.




I want a normal life
just like a new born child
I am a lover hater
I am an instigator
You are an oversight
Don't try to compromise
I'll learn to love to hate it
I am not integrated

Just call my name
You'll be okay
Your scream is burning through my veins

Sooner or later your gonna hate it
Go ahead and throw your life away
Driving me under, leaving me out there
Go ahead and throw your life away

-//sooner.or.later.breakin.benjamin


`donovan. |3:42 PM|