if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Thursday, December 29, 2005 [[affirmation.]]


had a long talk with a friend. and i got to realise this. in some way or another,


everyone's fighting the good fight. their own good fight.


everyone's insecure. everyone has their own problems. it's just us to blow our own problems up, out of proportion and to think that the world is collaspsing just because you think your world is falling apart. which is total bull. i guess depression, even self pity, is ok, but up to a certain point it loses its usefulness.

i've pinpointed my weaknesses. i set ridiculously high targets, to set myself up for failure. i take friends for granted when i feel they do not fit into the picture. i react not with constructive criticism when faced with piercing truths, but with anger. the attitude that is *don't care who's right or wrong, shout louder and you're right!* too much seriousness. too much emphasis on getting it right. on getting it all.

maybe it's time, for a lil self improvement. to not expect so much, to not chase after anything too much. but just to take one day at a time? and not think so much? and work on the temper. and work on gratitude, one trait which i'm sorely lacking in.

i don't guarantee results, but i do gaurantee effort. afterall, the only person who stands to really gain from this is: me.


`donovan. |12:13 AM|

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 [[a whiter shade of pale, just as ghostly.]]


in the mood for some phantom of the opera, or some sarah brightman, or some kinda esplanade performance.. something, higher class than what i usually go see (i.e. movies or worse, tv). something, different. something, intellectually stimulating? haha.



anyone? =|



may have found a job, that may potentially pay well if i work hard. but dunno if it's real, as in too good to be true. should i go for it? the briefing's tomorrow... heh, not sure about it all man.



and we say we're alright, because to say otherwise is unorthodox and emotional. and no one likes that.


`donovan. |6:55 PM|

Tuesday, December 27, 2005 [[anger at crimes yet undone.]]


i just undid whatever progress i made.


`donovan. |1:31 AM|

Monday, December 26, 2005 [[and the silent screams resound.]]


they say tortured individuals make good poets and writers. even actors who've had a shit of a time perform best on screen. suffering gives depth.




i'm waiting for inspiration.


`donovan. |11:20 PM|

[[silence.]]


_{violent passion. passionate violence. where's the line? the torture. the chaos. the anarchy. a swirling vortex of a maelstorm of energies. of passions. control! where's the necessary control? grip. slash. whirlwind of spirits. a portal, to nowhere. and then, it all. subsides. and solitude. where are the people who said they'll be there for you? when the walls between emotion and peace, between friend and foe, between loyalty and treachery, between life and death fall, fellowship is nowhere. nowhere. the chaos. the anarchy. and the defeaning silent aftermath, which shouts louder than the cacophony of before. peace? doubt it.}


`donovan. |11:11 PM|

[[come get some.]]


fuckin ipod. too many choices, take me 20 mins just to fill up a playlist of songs that are

a) nice to listen while running
b) haven't listened to in a while

fuckin traffic lights. slow down my timing of my 5 plus klick run just now. at least 6 red lights. in all took me 35 mins.

fuckin singaporeans think they own the damn pedestrian walkways. they never give way even when they hear you coming. and no i'm not just talking about assholes whose backs are to you, at least that's forgiveable that they really can't see you coming (even though i'm pretty god damned sure they HEARD me coming from my footsteps), it's the fuckin people who see you coming towards them facing you. you assholes go out with your family or your friends think you own the whole damn width of the walkway is it? fuck off idiots. learn some courtesy. those bastards force me to detour around them on the grass or rocky paths, tiring me further.

fuckin cyclists ought to be banned from cycling on the pathways too. *ring ring* your ass man. why must i give way to you? bicycles can be considered vehicles, in that case you should cycle on the shitty road asshole. and even if you're concerned about safety issues and wish to use the pathway, you should realise that priority should be given to real pedestrians on FOOT. one of these days i'll take a stick and thrust it into the spinning wheels to catch their spurs and watch them fly.

if for every footstep i took i could pound my problems away, i'll be running forever. if only i have the determination to apply to life, the same determination i have when i'm running half the course and wish to stop, but continue on.




then again, if it were so easy, there won't be anymore kick right? fuckin hell.


`donovan. |8:42 PM|

[[dead and gone, dead and gone.]]


it's freakin 2am. i jsut came hom edrunk, vomitted at lakeside mrt. parents not angry at me at all, they're great folks man. and.. my life's a wreck, best part is no one gives a damn, not even me. always get into shit situations where i'm cornered... always damn suay. wtf man. why? WHY?


god damn this. i always... ahh forget it.


`donovan. |2:05 AM|

Saturday, December 24, 2005 [[but the lies they say, they sound so true.]]


hmph. i'm not christian so i guess in some ways i'm not credible enough a source to comment. but it really does seem to me that the true spirit of christmas is all but nearly lost. go out to town and what do you see? lights, people out in throves, and subtle (some not so subtle) hints from all the shopping areas and centers to spend, spend, spend on more, more, more!

is this what was meant by christmas when christ was born? i don't think so. i mean, the wise men didn't just witness the birth of baby Jesus and said afterward "hey, let's go grab a beer at Wal-Mart". consumerism? capitalism? or just humanity?

and do you people really think that a simple sms could embody the spirit of christmas? i'm all for wishing your friends and family, and yes technology does make it easier for you. but how many of you people out there just SPAM your damn messages? especially using the occasion to SPAM a message to someone you probably never even talk to or see for the rest of the whole year? if you're gonna send messages, at least be sincere and message people close to you and your heart. i've already got 2 messages of merry christmas from unknown numbers and it's not even christmas day yet.


to me, the spirit of christmas.. has changed. no more the picturesque thing, now it's all about spending, SPAMming and what not. i'm not anti christmas, or anti social.. i'm just worried by this trend. huxley and orwell were right. damn consumerism.


`donovan. |8:35 PM|

Friday, December 23, 2005 [[if you just walked away, what could i really say.]]


1) psp body cover
2) psp games (prince of persia: revelations, gta: liberty stores)
3) crumpler mini pouch for ipod mini
4) handphone pouch
5) new shoes
6) new shirts
7) guitar amp
8) movie treat for Kong
9) a job
10) new pc

yay. quite the harvest.. though i need more new shirts. keep the booty coming in people! =D love you all for the new stuff. haha.


`donovan. |10:39 PM|

[[i've no intention of living this way, no intention of living]]


why did you take water from my well?

ahhhhh. the rush. of adrenaline. and emotion. nothing like competition to really loosen you up. may. the. best. man. win.



*grin*


`donovan. |11:31 AM|

Thursday, December 22, 2005 [[]]


<sub>since jean asked me to, this whole post is just dedicated to this one insignificant and trivial thing, her msn nick name, supposedly inspired by my msn nick name, in very small font. i can't have it take up too much space, lest people don't see my xmas wish list haha.

all i want for christmas is Honey Stars. says: (11:39:16 PM)
check out my new nick. inspired by YOU.

`donovan. all i want for christmas is some psp games. says: (11:39:33 PM)
should i feel honoured?

all i want for christmas is Honey Stars. says: (11:39:45 PM)
yes of course you should

all i want for christmas is Honey Stars. says: (11:39:50 PM)
and you should post about it in your blog</sub>


`donovan. |11:41 PM|

[[]]


new found revelations. new resolutions. new life after As. new blog. hopefully a change in skin will help me close the book on all that's happened in cj these two years and look ahead. speaking of new stuff. here's a very helpful list for people who wanna buy me things for christmas and the new year. shameless, but get's the job done much easier won't you say? heh.


1) psp body cover
2) psp games (prince of persia: revelations, gta: liberty stores)
3) crumpler mini pouch for ipod mini
4) handphone pouch
5) new shoes
6) new shirts
7) guitar amp
8) movie treat for Kong
9) a job
10) new pc



merry christmas all. =P






`donovan. |12:29 AM|

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 [[]]


woah. it's been quite the monday yesterday. and i just had the time and inclination to blog about it. heh heh.

the day started out with me going to meet miah and his bro in town to do my christmas shopping. in total i spent like 150 bucks on close friends. louis u better be happy, your present cost the most, like twice what the other peoples' ones cost.

so i got a calender, two cds, two stuffed animals and a stack full of brochures entitling me to a 1 for 1 hour deal when i play LAN at cine. ok the stack of brochures aren't for gifts, but if i'm desperate i'll start handing them out like your friendly MRT neighbourhood flyer-man. so u people can start guessing what i got for you. heh.

after shopping, proceeded to wait for the 3pm sakae sushi buffet i was eating with the fencers and james khoo. while waiting for me to finish, miah played my psp till he nearly drained it of the fully charged battery, playing Ridge Racer and his beloved Reiko Nagase. ok, she's quite hot la. but my way ain't the way of ogling computer game girls. they are, after all, just pixels. that's more like joseph's way, he and his female night elf rogue in world of warcraft.

the buffet was some funny shit. here are some series of pictures i took at the table. cause we ordered a hell lot of food, and the 8 of us split into two tables of four. so there was a competition of sorts, seeing who can eat more than the other. i went the honourable way, i ate every single thing i took off the conveyor belt, about 18 or so plates of sushi and the steamed egg and miso soup. the rest, cheated. since we were charged for food wastage and they kept taking more and more plates naturally we couldnt finish. so what did they do? they hid the food everywhere. like this.


this is what it looks like. looks like an ordinary stack of 3 plates huh? think again.












tier one.














tier two.











lol. masters of disguise. in this one u can see kai wen stuffing his unfinished udon noodles into his plastic wrapper for his wet hanky.













heh heh. anyway, that was the afternoon buffet and shopping. later went to meet the 30th and 31st SC. and at the marina bay mrt i realised that there was no proper toilet. so miah, who wanted to go to the toilet, was fooled by the sign. in the end, the toilet was simply, a portable one. LOL.



























so that was my very interesting monday. heh. today, paled in comparison. some starcraft, some Troy, some mopping and some msn-ing. sigh.

time for some chow. bye guys.


`donovan. |8:54 PM|

Sunday, December 18, 2005 [[]]


hmm. been on the go for 2 straight nights. crazy stuff first went in the early morn to sanjay's to jam with tze wei. after that rushed off down to khai's to spend the day playing computer, watching dvds and bumming around. we bummed around till 3am. woke the next morn at 7.45am to cab down to clementi from yio chu kang for fencing comp. should have seen how jun jie turned on his enraged mode on his last fight for the quarterfinals. he nearly collapsed on his feet when he was through and lost, he was so tired he couldnt even stand up straight while fencing. overall i think there was an improvement for everyone there, heh i didn't lose two bouts 0-5 this time.

after fencing went out to dinner and dota and cs with the fencing guys. and came home tired. so tired that i couldnt even remember falling asleep on the bus home and also that i just tried to use body foam to shampoo my hair.


mmm miah you go clubbing and score with girls never tell me. hmph. at least jon told me.

anyway, jean told me about tmr's council dinner at 7.30pm at marina bay. show up people... pls don't forgo this chance to meet. heh heh this might well be one of our last group outings ya?

anyway i'm usin this post to advertise the blogs of the following people ok?

miah
jean
jon



ok done doing that. sian. haha but although i feel quite sian about things, i think there's an actual improvement in how emo i get! heh heh i'm learning to control emotion. no point letting it run too free. but then again total oppression isn't the answer either. haha. ok tired.


nights.


`donovan. |10:28 PM|

Friday, December 16, 2005 [[]]


never. never. in a thousand years. never would i have thought it possible.



in the words of another..

Caligin~ says: (1:39:06 AM)
affection..is so...

Caligin~ says: (1:39:08 AM)
screwed..


amen.


`donovan. |1:41 AM|

[[]]


yay. i made two people very happy today. i got my dad a 600 dollar hp after he was complaining that his phone

a) looks like a female phone
b) has no features
c) sms does not save if u quit writing it
d) looks like huishan's phone (eh he didnt complain that, i just wrote it)

so my dad was happy this christmas he got a gift from me, the first expensive one.

and chip was happy i got her a squirrel TY beanie baby. acutally she was pestering me for a gift jokingly that afternoon and before going down to meet her and some of the t19 gang i just bought it on a spur in plaza sing since i was already there. yup. feels good to make ppl happy.



on the other hand i wish people will make me happy. lol.


`donovan. |12:19 AM|

Sunday, December 11, 2005 [[]]


i'm sorry. last night, was crazy. just.. crazy. are we "human fuckin beings"? mmm.

anyway ya, don' t know about life man. sucks, everyone's life seems to be screwed up one way or another. khai. ben. miah (dont deny it). gughan.

mine.

haha, just gotta learn to don't give a damn anymore. to detach myself from circumstances. to 'harden your heart'. that's the only way to survive this maelstorm.

ooooh we need senseless violence. the pulling of the trigger without batting an eyelid. the murder of prisoners. the raging against steel bars of a cage.


and we so need peace.

-//tiny.vessels.death.cab.for.cutie

This is the moment that you know
That you told you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me


`donovan. |2:41 PM|

Saturday, December 10, 2005 [[]]


If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?


`donovan. |10:46 PM|

[[]]


fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u. fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this.




clubbing is bad. dancing is ok, but in all other aspects it sucks. the music. the smoke. the lack of seating space. the expensive drinks. the people doing stupid things. the people you know doing stupid things. the people you know. the people.



take a deep breath. operation 321. on the mark, breathe out and release. the anger. or the greenery. or the emotion. till... there's nothing left but cold analytical cynism.




3.



2.



1.




mark.


`donovan. |10:12 PM|

Sunday, December 04, 2005 [[]]





`donovan. |11:53 PM|

Thursday, December 01, 2005 [[]]


lit s paper. grad night. psp. picture stills of friends i might not see in a long while. drinking after grad. dota at ben's. standard issue divine rapier. pranking khai. bad repercussions. personal hell.



all in a day's work.


`donovan. |12:18 AM|