Sunday, April 23, 2006
[[
army daze.]]
mm. it's been sometime since i last updated. everytime i book out i'm in no mood to recollect everything and blog it down. but hey since this time i've a day and a half of book out time (courtesy of the generousity of the SAF) i figured i'll blog down random stuff and quotes, statements and thoughts.
"stop moving in the bloody file!"
"ok gentlemen, face front, face front, ATTEN-SHUN! ready position!" EEE-YAH! (adopts martial arts stance)
i hate doing BCCT (basic close combat training) in the hot sun at the parade square at 3pm in the afternoon, cause when we are knocked down the floor cooks your palms.
"Sergeant, when we book out can we look at girls or not?"
"You're born with eyes right?"
"I mean, sergeant, can we look continuously?"
"F**K you understand. Platoon, when you're in No. 4 uniform you know you're not supposed to act indecently in public. that includes holding hands or kissing your girlfriend. so if a girl comes up to you what do you do?"
-blank look from recruits-
"Aiyah, anyway i think girl also won't come to you ugly bunch. they don't call you chao
recruits for nothing, you all stink."
"run run run section 3, we're late to fall in!"
i hate it when they officially say we have 1 hour of admin time to do our own things, but the RO (routine orders) take half an hour to be settled, and laundry, preparation for tomorrow's activities eats away everything, and you even have to shower after lights out, and get caught for disobeying the lights out timing.
the sergeants all have different reactiosn when recruits complain or present them with problems. SGT khoo: "how? call police la." SGT hafiz: "your story touches me heart" *touches his heart and puts on fake hurt expression*
stripping my wife, bringing my wife to the toilet, locking up my wife in my cabinet, cleaning my wife.
constantly fighting sleep in lectures at night after a long day.
bloody route marches 2 klick, 4 klick, 6 klick long, in FBO (full battle order), the heaviest shit i ever put on my back in my life.
upcoming field camp *groan*.
i love being in drill squad, hopefully we win the competition and get to perform for the POP.
constantly wondering why my pull ups are deproving in army, we pull everyday until we're shagged, but the number of pull ups i can do are decreasing from 9 to 6, and now to 4. makes no sense man.
getting very tanned. and lean, from the activities jam packed back to back.
nearly failed swimming category test when halfway swimming my platoon mate next to me gave me the finger and smiled underwater. i drank water and nearly couldn't complete my lap.
desperately trying to maintain contact with the real world, sms-ing friends outside BMT. wondering why they take so long to reply, and rejoicing when i get a reply as though someone told me ORD was tomorrow. army somehow makes you appreciate the small things amid your sergeants giving you a good ass-kicking.
thinking, with my spare time, about. you. and you.---------------
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
`donovan. |2:38 PM|
Friday, April 07, 2006
[[
i'm blind again.]]
going ns soon. it's been some time, since i felt this good. since i could make someone laugh again.
goodbye world.
blind I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go
`donovan. |12:40 AM|
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
[[
ending theme.]]
1 year ago.
1 year ago, i was just finishing with orientation 05:2. 1 year ago, i was grappling with tying up the loose ends of council. 1 year ago, half the school gathered outside my class after school ended. 1 year ago, i used a teacher to escape from thatmob. 1 year ago, yu zheng and louis caught me in the toilet. 1 year ago, i
died. 1 year ago, someone said she wanted me
killed again cause she didn't get to see. *grin* 1 year ago, i was failing my subjects. (actually i still fail them.) 1 year ago, haha. i was
'struck'. i won't say it's love, neither will i concede it was as fleeting as a crush or infatuation.
1 year ago. so many things. happened. came and went. fights. bonds. emotional rollercosters.
i guess i came outta it, different. out of JC. matured? or jaded. examining the 'me' after i came out of SJI and now looking at the 'me' after CJC, i tend to get the feeling that i was real,
naive back then. about people. about studies. about relationships. heh, rest assured, i won't be making those mistakes again.
i started this post with intention to wrap up whatever i felt, about things that has happened, cliques of friends that i've joined and left, about the past two eventful years, about what's to come, but all i get now, is a sense of nostalgia, jadedness, and a laid back mood as i sift through the memories and feelings that flow past me.
i've lost track of what i wanted to say, or felt.
i deeply regret some actions i took in the past two years. council, among other things.
maybe i shouldnt have told you. maybe, i should have just shouldered everything. but could i live with myself everyday like that? i don't know. they say hindsight's 20/20. they're right. ah well. i seldom read your blog now, then again i suppose you don't even read mine. but i hope you're happy, quit being so sentimental and sad writing all the time. i like it better when you write about cheerful mundane stuff that happened, or when you're taking an argumentative stand on some current affair. maybe you're right, some things can't go back to how they were. they just can't. and maybe they shouldn't. but i hope they can. someday.
ns soon. hope i can make it to ocs. at least that way i'll get a zanpaktou, maybe can train hard enough to achieve shikai, maybe even bankai. =) in caseyou didn't know, those are terms from bleach. yup, i'm an official bleach fan now. must say, i didn't like anime before, but this one's got me hooked.
oh and one last thing. disclaimer, if you will. in the past, people have commented to me that i should be mindful of what i write onmy blog. it used to be about council. now it's just that some people are concerned? or unhappy with what i write here. look, my stand has always been this, if youdon't like it, don't read it. simple as that i don't force people to readit yeah.
happy birthday to me tomorrow.
`donovan. |1:30 AM|
