if you're reading this, you're either
a) visiting this blog for the first time
b) bored
c) trying to practice your reading skills
d) jeremiah marvelling at his genius
e) a retard who doesn't realise the symbols on the left are links

Thursday, July 07, 2005 [[]]


well now. after dota today outside, on the way home, by myself since louis didnt come with me, i felt.. ok. strangely. normally, with my ipod playing songs, and me reflecting by myself on the bus alone, i would start feeling all shitty again. but amazingly, when i thought of you, i didn't feel anything anymore. this time, at least. but hey, it's a start! sooo i'm quite happy. that i'm not so affected by this anymore. so you can go on and do what you want, what you need to do. i couldn't care less anymore. because i'm not chained to this anymore. =)

anyway, i got trashed today at dota. lost 2 games badly (p.s. you can thank pido and his gang of assholes for that) but raped one game wonderfully (p.s. you can thank amos for that. lol). ah well, times like these will end soon. strangely, after the game, instead of feeling shitty on the way home also because of the two horrible losses, i didn't feel crap about the game. instead, i feel like i'm ready to tackle work, now that my appetite for dota's kinda sated. so yep. gotta work on wrapping up my council file and get ready to step down amongst other things. also gotta finish editing the damn nyaa report and be done with it.

my point with all that is, i guess finally i've managed to take a small step in terms of recovery from something that started ten long months ago. in a way i regret how / why we met, yet i don't. it's been a learning lesson in how to deal with my own feelings, but a hard one nonetheless. i still have that msg yeah:

"that would be sad, and i'm serious.. if not you'd think i'm this dao idiot. which is prolly most ppl think so."

ahhhh. well, i'm not saying that just because this time i'm not all depressed when i'm by myself that wow, i've fully recovered. i realise that i may lapse again, but hey, it's a small step. and i no longer feel so tied to this. to how i feel i have to respond to everything. even the silence.

anyway, thanks to alot of ppl who've been advising and like coaching me along this period. i just thought that instead of always blogging depressing stuff, i'll acknowledge ppl instead. and not just those active in this, but others who've just by being there helped take my mind off things.

the dota team: gughan, joseph, james, pido, sean, louis, weili, daniel, jun jie, jackson, walter yeo, terry, and possibly others i've forgotten or haven't played with for a long time.

the advice/nag team: joseph, james, louis, derek, sophie, (especially, thanks for talking me through stuff the last few days =] ) shufang, man yun, rachel, huishan. if i forgot you, sorry! but thanks anyway.

the talk cockers in class: david tseng, jeremy, james, danny. you guys make my day man.


and where'd i'd be without my music? =)

addicted - simple plan
highway to hell - ac/dc
can't cry hard enough - williams brothers
element of one - killswitch engage
fine again - seether
how about you - staind


btw, reminder to all reading this. why the hell are you wasting time on the net when...

you should be studying you dunderheads! A levels are only about 15 weeks away! go study la.


`donovan. |8:01 PM|